My Journey

First of all, personal legend? About a year ago, I would have questioned the same thing. That was until I read 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho. If you haven't done so yourself yet, I highly recommend it.

The Alchemist follows the journey of an Andalusian shepherd boy named Santiago. Believing a recurring dream to be prophetic, he asks a Gypsy fortune teller about its meaning in the nearby town. The woman interprets the dream as a prophecy telling the boy that he will discover a treasure at the Egyptian pyramids.

Early into his journey, he meets an old king named Melchizedek, or the king of Salem, who tells him to sell his sheep; he then travels to Egypt and is introduced to the idea of a personal legend.

Your legend "is what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when young, knows what their legend is."

As children, we have a burning desire to learn about life and all it has to offer, but, as we grow older, this desire becomes suppressed through outside influences. Our parents, friends, and strangers seek to destroy our legends in pursuit of their own. The internal fear sparks criticism in those that have a burning desire to fulfill their objectives. Chances are, at one point in your life, someone has tried to convince you not to do something. Whether it was trying out a new hobby, an exciting backpacking trip, or even a cross country move, there was most likely someone or something attempting to hold you back. Other people will use their fears of change to direct you in another direction.

Let's say you have an opportunity for a new promotion; however, the job would require you to move to the other side of the country or even another country. You are both excited and nervous about taking the job and know that this is what you have always wanted. You call up your parents and tell them the news hoping for encouragement but only receive doubts and ill will. Little did you know, your father had a similar experience, and it ended poorly. Or your mother tells you she loves you but is too scared for your well being. Now, by seeking advice from someone who had a negative experience, pursuing your goals is seen as a wrong decision. Allowing outside influences to redirect your goals is the leading cause of taking the safe route. I have learned this lesson the hard way.

My legend has and will always be entrepreneurship. Since a young age, I have held onto this undying need to create something that left a legacy. My school projects always followed what was required, but I could never stick to the norm. While my classmates were using a poster board to layout their country of the month research projects, I built replicas of major landmarks out of wood to present the information more excitingly. I never took the easy way out, which often caused me to miss deadlines for the projects and receive lower grades...oops. I found myself daydreaming during lectures while attending Lawrence University about starting my tutor and mentoring business and helping students succeed and follow their dreams. I have always plotted out how I could make it more efficient if I were the brains behind the operation at every job I have ever held. People that know me often ask me, why do you change your mind so much? Why can't you ever be satisfied with where you are in your career? The answer is simple; to be satisfied is to be perfect, and I am far from it. I have failed in many of my entrepreneurial endeavors, and each time I have learned more from the failures than from the successes that came. The journey to my legend would be over if I gave up on creating and brainstorming.

Much like Santiago in the story, it took me leaving my childhood life behind to get where I am today. After Freshman year, I dropped out of Lawrence University and moved back home with my parents. I knew I needed a change; I just wasn't sure what that was supposed to be. The subjects I was required to take at Lawrence did not stimulate the parts of my mind that I needed them to, and I was on an endless search for meaning. About a week into living at home, I realized that I needed to move away from the state I was so comfortable with. I needed to find myself in unfamiliar places to see how my mind would react to different environments.

My uncle had a house in Tucson that he said I could stay in; the only stipulation was that I needed to be enrolled in college. Even though I was sure that college was not for me, I agreed after seeing that Pima Community College in Tucson had one of the better Film and Screenplay associates degrees in the country. Filmmaking was always so fascinating to me, and Pima was also a Division 1 junior college. I had the desire to continue playing football after leaving Lawrence with three more years of eligibility. When I told my uncle I wanted to continue playing football and made the team, he was less than thrilled about it. Instead, he said I should be working to pay for school. In my heart, I believed that I was good enough to get to the next level, and I worked so hard to make the team. It was a great division 1 JUCO program that gave me an excellent chance to get to a top tier program and possibly earn a scholarship. Sadly, I was forced to give it up and work. It was such a blow to the heart at the time that I didn't even want to stay at his house anymore. I would often crash on friends' couches and live out of a single backpack. I was going back only a few times for new clothes and maybe a sit-down dinner now and then. I realize now that my regret did not come from my uncle. It came from me listening to someone other than myself on what was best for me and my happiness. I let an outside influence convince me that I was making the wrong decision because of how they lived their lives and what made it fulfilling. He took the best route for himself by attending college, getting a good-paying job, and working his way up to be the company's president. For him, that was the dream. For me, it sounded like a slow, painful route to retirement, leaving only a few years to enjoy your life in the way it is supposed to be appreciated. I needed to create, be inspired, and live life without a plan for the future because I knew I was making one every moment I was alive. I decided it was time to head back to Wisconsin for a refresh and hopefully some clarity.

My second stint in Wisconsin was short-lived, a few sales jobs here and there, but they were filler jobs for me. I never fell in love with the products I was selling, and it made it hard for me to sell them. I needed another change, something a little more challenging and a way for me to prove to my parents and the rest of my family that I could make this life whatever I wanted it to be. I didn't need a typical 9-5 job to get by. I could create a living with my mind, I could tell stories that people would listen to, and I was enough to make a difference in the world. Enough was enough, and I set my sights on Los Angeles to pursue a writing career. I didn't care if it was books or screenplays, articles, or resumes. My writing was going to take me somewhere; I would help people in some way or another through words. I arrived in Los Angeles on a Sunday afternoon in May.

My cousin that lived there picked me up from the airport. I had made plans to stay with him for the first week while looking for an apartment and a quick job to get on my feet. I searched and searched the wanted ads in town, looking for something creative and fun that allowed me to use my gift of talking to people to my advantage. I stumbled across an interesting add titled, "Party Sales, Business Development". I was intrigued as you can probably guess, after all who wouldn't love to sell a party? Los Angeles was the 'it spot' to be for A-List events, second only to maybe New York or Las Vegas in the US. I made the call and was greeted by a friendly bubbly voice on the other end, Cyndy. We hit is off, I interviewed in person that day and was hired on the spot.

Working at Balloon Celebrations was one of the coolest experiences I have had in my life. We planned and coordinated major parties, made incredible bouquets, and organized balloon drops, arches and walls for awards shows and other major events. Our extensive list of clients included several A-List celebrities, networks, and large corporations. One of the coolest parties we were a part of was thrown for Kobe Bryant's daughter. We designed a six foot tall boombox made of balloons that was actually usable complete with an aux cord to play any music they wanted. My main job was to field incoming calls and make outbound calls regarding events that were coming up in the area to hopefully land a large event. Most of the daily calls that came in were to order bouquets or schedule and in-person party consultation. The best part of my job was that I was starting to make friends with several executive assistants and people in town that could help me with my future writing career. Then, the world crumbled around me. My grandfather got sick and ended up passing away a few months into my new life in Los Angeles. He was such a large role model for me and I was devastated by the news of his passing. I flew back to Wisconsin for the funeral and felt guilty that I was not there more during his last days. My whole family stayed by his side through his last moments while I was thousands of miles away...I felt selfish and my heart hurt. I made the impulse decision to move back to Wisconsin to be with my family during the grieving process.

I struggled with being back in Wisconsin for the first few months. I missed the fantastic LA weather, the feeling of freedom that came from living so far away from my comfort zone, and the relief from unfair expectations that came from living with your parents. A family friend told me about an opportunity at his company for a business development sales job selling medical parts. That is how I landed my first corporate style job at Technical Prospects. I learned a lot about the medical industry and gained many lifelong friends throughout my years there. Even though it ended up not being a great mutual fit, I remained a big fan of the industry and often missed the connections that I had made. I took the next year or so to figure out my long term plans and worked part time waiting tables at Buffalo Wild Wings. In my spare time, I was playing music at local bars and open mics which was a great release from feeling like I failed the corporate lifestyle I was supposed to be in. I had no direction or idea of what I wanted to do and was starting to feel a little regret from not finishing out my Bachelor's degree so I could get a good paying job and keep surviving.

For a long time the only constant thing in my life seemed to be my love for music and writing. I always found myself writing poetry, letters, stories, screenplays, coming up with movies or tv shows in my head and creating separate realities outside of myself. I often used music as the catalyst to write about the ways I was feeling. Songs had a different meaning to me than all of my friends. I connected to them differently and many times ignored the considered "main stream" hits that everyone seemed to listen to. Instead I gravitated towards the musicians that were wearing their hearts on their sleeves and really giving you a look into their lives through music. I was fascinated by how many ways you could explain falling in love, growing up, celebrating life, or going through hardship. I didn't start to combine writing with music until I felt my first real heartbreak. I had dated someone on and off throughout college that I thought was the one. We were both chasing dreams and trying to make sense of the world but always found ourselves right back to each other. I won't go into much detail about how things ended but it took a long time for my heart to heal properly. Songwriting was my new love and I was determined to share my story much like all the other artists that I admired. I'll never forget the first time I played an original song at an open mic night. I walked into the Long Branch Saloon in De Pere, WI on the last Wednesday of the month.